First Steps...

Last Sunday I submitted my application to be a candidate in the  prep program at my church. This Sunday the task force met (which I am a part of)...and interviewing me was on the agenda. I guess it's now official. I'm part of the program.

It's designed to help discern God's leading in people's lives and to help prepare them for the emotional and spiritual side of ministry.

It's exciting because I'm taking concrete steps.
It's scary because, apart from Christ, I have no reason to be going.
It's a bit nerve wracking because it involves vulnerably letting the leadership and a mentor get to know me...all of me including my biggest struggles and weaknesses (But, I am NOT apart from Christ! Oh, the bliss of that glorious thought!)...and because it involves lots of unknowns.

So. It's just another journey of faith :) And a very important one.

I also found words that adequately conveyed how I felt on leaving Turkey, perhaps for the first time. This is something that got kicked up a week or so ago in a conversation with Tim and I found I didn't have words to describe what leaving made me feel and why it is still surreal and still hard sometimes. There is a story there, but tonight I found words that helped me explain it:

It was hard to leave. I felt like I was just hitting my groove,
just beginning to speak the language enough to have meaningful conversations
with the nationals. It was just beginning.
But I had these tickets with my name on them,
so one morning I got up and went to the airport. And I didn't come back.

Sometimes, especially when I first returned, that's what it felt like. Once in awhile the feeling will still hit me. It was almost like I was taken in the night. I fell asleep in Turkey and woke up...elsewhere. I find myself wishing it was just as easy to return. But then I realize that the whole time I was planning to go, I was also planning to leave. The same steps that enabled me to be there (i.e. raising money, praying, purchasing tickets) simultaneously paved the way for my departure. The same way that birth prepares the way for death and Spring paves way for Winter, in a way, everything we do lays the ground work to leave it all behind.

But, in this case, not forever. I hope.

Sorry, didn't mean this to be such a depressing post. Let me end on an exciting note...

I am taking concrete steps to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!